Juggling work and family is not an easy task and during the journey, I can easily lose focus and confidence. That is why I am starting a new campaign for myself which I call “Let’s Make It Work, Mama!” This is also a mantra which I will chant to myself either quietly or loudly, to remind myself to hold it together and stay calm. I have not yet experienced a breakdowns but I envisioned that someday, hopefully not and never, that I might. My mission is primarily as self reminder because you hardly forget things you have written especially when you write and post it online without privacy restrictions. Once it goes to the internet, I could never take it back. The plan is to make it my journal whatever the outcome will be.
My vision is solely not to fall apart. What does it mean? I don’t know as of yet. Each individual is unique in their own way and we all have different battles to fight each and every day. Not all story is the same, otherwise biography books would never sell.
Talk It Through
We live among others and nobody is an island, at least we have one other person who we interact somewhat periodically. Especially when you have work and family going on at the same time. I have at least my supervisors and my husband around me who directly affected me. I also have my children but they are currently too young to be positioned as responsible and mindful parties. So I believe that whenever one feels too much pressure or burden, it is acceptable that he or she shares what is going on inside. There are things we can do easily by our self without help from others but there are also things that will be just too much to handle alone.
Don’t be alone. Don’t feel lonely.
Because you are not alone.
Don’t put yourself aside.
It is okay to get yourself and mind to a corner for awhile. Get an alone time to think or to reflect or even cry. But afterwards we have to remember that there is someone. There are people in our life who would be affected by our actions.
I talk to several colleagues who also juggle family and work and they all agree that talking it through will be the best first step to get things in order. It will not be a solution but it will get you one. So, I decide to talk about what is going on with my life and especially what is in my mind. Because sometime, what we feel or see is actually what we think that we feel or see. We think that we cannot do this and that or we think that he or she does not feel positively about us. And then the reality is completely opposite.
Since return to work after my second daughter’s birth, I have not feel as energized and as quick as I was. For the first few weeks I feel inadequate and incompetent. I blamed myself for this because I was not like this before and I thought that I have lost my interest. I have climbed over my peak and downhill is the only way to go. But that was only what I think! It was only in my mind. I also feels tired all the time because I have to rush to go home at 5 PM so I can pickup my children at the daycare on time.
I talked to my supervisors about this and they all impressively understand. We all then discuss what will be the best solution for me and my work. Funny enough, I have been thinking how bad I am doing for days and cannot see that there is a way out, without resigning. And then after the discussion, the solution came within one hour! We decide the best solution will be I work half to one hour less every day I work (Monday-Thursday) so I can come to the daycare without rushing and then lost a huge block of energy by doing so. The deal is if there is an urgent assignment then I will finish it at home after the children are asleep. Another point of the deal is to give status updates half hour before I come home, so around 3 PM I will update all my progress. I am breastfeeding so I require pumping time at least twice a day as well. My pumping session will be around 11 AM and 2 PM, each for up to 30 minutes.
So for me, one block have been jumped and now I will try my best to make it work.